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Underneath a film of regret,
a delicate angel weeps.
Her wings attached,
her wings lost.
Lost over \"troubled waters,\" she says.

Drenched is my shoulder,
from the soft flow of tears,
that carefully fall down her hands.
Her hands, a map of destiny.
Every wrinkle shows the age
of time and experience
that dresses my mood.

And i feel her body shudder,
feel her quiet whimpers giving into the detriment
this world can\'t help but cause.
She\'s so innocent,
she\'s so beautiful,
but she\'s so miserable.

The trigger, she has already pulled,
the fear, she screams for..
it peirces my eyes.
Drains me of an untouched ego and,
Left on the tip of my tongue,
are words i\'d NEVER be able to admit.

I\'ve flown over troubled waters once,
and once I drowned in life.
Drowned in the pool of feelings,
not knowing how to breathe.
Not knowing that water can\'t kill you.
So silent i crept,
to the arms of a nightmare.
And we share, we share the same.

Baggage that never got checked,
The world\'s sympathy that has run dry.
We\'ll never tell,
We couldn\'t cross the finish line alone..
She\'ll never tell,
she couldn\'t take this lying down.

And she spares her soul,
for the death of her body.
For silence to preserve her
forgotten sin.
And on my behalf,
her fair heart goes limp in my arms.
Little naive angel wasted.
Her wings were fine,
She just never learned to fly.
©2003-2010 ~nostalgicstar
:iconnostalgicstar:

Author's Comments

This has a very personal meaning to ME, but what do you get out of it?

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconvivec:
you rock.
this poem is awsum

--
~Padre Vivec, Comadante 1st Class
[Peoples Rebuplic of Michigan] {*}
------------------------------ ----------------------

Geniuses are justifiably contemptuous of the opinions of their inferiors.
:iconpixi33:
Dear goodness that is amazing. I'm not sure what to say about it. That is so powerful and all I can say to you is that I understand, and I hope that everything is alright. +fav This is one of the best poems I've read on here, I don't know what others might say but I truely love this. =) (Smile)
:iconxazrealx:
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Donna + poem + picture = WOOHOO!!!!

I'm with Kate on this one... GO TEAM!

seriously..

Very powerful piece of work which conveys real depth of feeling for the poor little angel..

This is a simply great poem Donna... I'm so jealous of your talent *cries* :) (Smile)


anywayz I gotta get back to work so I better make sure I :fav: before I run out of time!!!

--
If you are reading this I probably commented on something. If it was bad don't worry you can probably get some professional help, if it was good well you probably still need some.
:iconubetyourboots:
...
...
...
*urk!*

That was me getting to the last stanza, then getting my heart strings YANKED. I guess it helps that I was coincidentally listening to "My Own Prison" by Creed....

This poem is absolutely AMAZING! And...so...sad... Crying . The flow is good; the imagery is superb; and the emotion is off the chart! Due to comma splicing, the A+ goes down a notch to A.
But don't you worry--this one's going on my faves! Oh my God--4 faves in one day! This is an incredible day in the DA writing world! Thank you for contributing to it.

Great job! Ubetyourboots.
:iconjaymill:
Great poem. I like the thing about the angel. Gives it good, what the french call, i don't know what. Well anyway good poem.

--
could never think of a good one
:iconechoedlaughter:
Wow. That was really lovely. Very well written and it flows nicely. The last two lines, especially, were really powerful and evoked a lot of empathy. Nice job!

--
Inside your heart, no ones there, and I don't think I'll ever be, and I don't care.

I am a WeCritique critic.
:icongeneralhill:
You had some good ideas with this. At about

"Lost over "troubled waters," she says."

I thought your opening stanza was going to lead into something very intriguing. Unfortunately, I think you got caught up with your own metaphor - and, to be honest, it's not a particularly great one. In general I'd stay away from angels in poems at *all times*, because there is really no interesting way to do that at all. It all ends up being really cliched and boring.

There are other points where you do some nice things - the end of the second stanza comes to mind, and a few other stanza endings were also very strong. Overall, though, it just seems like there are too many cliches here that make me feel like I don't know what you are really trying to say. I'm sure it means something to you because you wrote it and you know what you are trying to say. If you keep writing, I'm sure you will get better at conveying those emotions to people who don't know you and are reading this as a casual observer.

Hope I could give you another perspective on this.
:iconlaurlooo:
this is beautiful... i cannot even think of words to describe it, accept +fav love you!

--
m.i.l.k.s.h.a.k.e.s. <3
:iconaural-autumn:
I like this poem alot..and what I see is you comforting another who has regret and guilt...she was an angel...and I dont think that she died, I think that the angel in her died...like she lost her innoccence, its a strong feeling when the innocence leaves. To be perfectly honest I stay fr from angels they remind me of hallmark cards....you didnt do bad though, some parts are great others arent...as with many poems....try staying away from anything that you see too much in others work...NOT that I am sayoing you are plagerizing...just riding the wave of repetition in poetry...its easy to do.....over all I think you tackled the idea well....I really like the picture I found from this. It also reminds me of my little sis...innnoccent and beautiful..I would kill for her.....yet she has endure so much....mostly at my hand...I hate to see her cry and I just hold her and hold her......

Another thing I want to say is thank you...not many people have visited me and you have commented on almost all my recent work...I appreciate your time and compliments. You are special also!! Later, tif

--
"Success aint only based on self esteem, it takes a sense to differentiate between yours and someone else's dreams..."
"What don't kill will just make me crazier."

-Eyedea and Abilities

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January 12, 2003
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