Underneath a film of regret,
a delicate angel weeps.
Her wings attached,
her wings lost.
Lost over \"troubled waters,\" she says.
Drenched is my shoulder,
from the soft flow of tears,
that carefully fall down her hands.
Her hands, a map of destiny.
Every wrinkle shows the age
of time and experience
that dresses my mood.
And i feel her body shudder,
feel her quiet whimpers giving into the detriment
this world can\'t help but cause.
She\'s so innocent,
she\'s so beautiful,
but she\'s so miserable.
The trigger, she has already pulled,
the fear, she screams for..
it peirces my eyes.
Drains me of an untouched ego and,
Left on the tip of my tongue,
are words i\'d NEVER be able to admit.
I\'ve flown over troubled waters once,
and once I drowned in life.
Drowned in the pool of feelings,
not knowing how to breathe.
Not knowing that water can\'t kill you.
So silent i crept,
to the arms of a nightmare.
And we share, we share the same.
Baggage that never got checked,
The world\'s sympathy that has run dry.
We\'ll never tell,
We couldn\'t cross the finish line alone..
She\'ll never tell,
she couldn\'t take this lying down.
And she spares her soul,
for the death of her body.
For silence to preserve her
forgotten sin.
And on my behalf,
her fair heart goes limp in my arms.
Little naive angel wasted.
Her wings were fine,
She just never learned to fly.
















Comments
this poem is awsum
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~Padre Vivec, Comadante 1st Class
[Peoples Rebuplic of Michigan] {*}
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Geniuses are justifiably contemptuous of the opinions of their inferiors.
Donna + poem + picture = WOOHOO!!!!
I'm with Kate on this one... GO TEAM!
seriously..
Very powerful piece of work which conveys real depth of feeling for the poor little angel..
This is a simply great poem Donna... I'm so jealous of your talent *cries*
anywayz I gotta get back to work so I better make sure I :fav: before I run out of time!!!
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If you are reading this I probably commented on something. If it was bad don't worry you can probably get some professional help, if it was good well you probably still need some.
...
...
*urk!*
That was me getting to the last stanza, then getting my heart strings YANKED. I guess it helps that I was coincidentally listening to "My Own Prison" by Creed....
This poem is absolutely AMAZING! And...so...sad...
But don't you worry--this one's going on my faves! Oh my God--4 faves in one day! This is an incredible day in the DA writing world! Thank you for contributing to it.
Great job! Ubetyourboots.
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could never think of a good one
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Inside your heart, no ones there, and I don't think I'll ever be, and I don't care.
I am a WeCritique critic.
"Lost over "troubled waters," she says."
I thought your opening stanza was going to lead into something very intriguing. Unfortunately, I think you got caught up with your own metaphor - and, to be honest, it's not a particularly great one. In general I'd stay away from angels in poems at *all times*, because there is really no interesting way to do that at all. It all ends up being really cliched and boring.
There are other points where you do some nice things - the end of the second stanza comes to mind, and a few other stanza endings were also very strong. Overall, though, it just seems like there are too many cliches here that make me feel like I don't know what you are really trying to say. I'm sure it means something to you because you wrote it and you know what you are trying to say. If you keep writing, I'm sure you will get better at conveying those emotions to people who don't know you and are reading this as a casual observer.
Hope I could give you another perspective on this.
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m.i.l.k.s.h.a.k.e.s. <3
Another thing I want to say is thank you...not many people have visited me and you have commented on almost all my recent work...I appreciate your time and compliments. You are special also!! Later, tif
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"Success aint only based on self esteem, it takes a sense to differentiate between yours and someone else's dreams..."
"What don't kill will just make me crazier."
-Eyedea and Abilities
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